There are daily wobbles in my new life, but last Thursday was a particularly tough day for some reason, not sure what triggered the emotions but flow they did. It was hard but also cathartic. And I learnt that by listening to myself and seeking advice from others (online, in books and in person) I can breathe through these hard days.
One guide I am finding incredibly helpful is Megan Devine’s book ‘It’s OK that you’re not OK’, and I would recommend it to anyone who is supporting others in their grief or who has experienced an unexpected or deep loss themselves.
Another tip I have been given to keep a journal, at first I wasn’t sure. Then over the weekend the urge to write was strong , and so write I did and this post is just the beginning. It feels so good to write, so thank you to everyone who has suggested it to me. As you might understand I am not quite ready for the whole wide world to read every word I write, but at the same time I do find it easier to use the blog to write. So I have decided to use the option of password protect for some of my thoughts.
This way no one actually needs to read it my scribblings, they will just be sitting here for me to come back to. They will though also be available to those of you who request the password and whom I elect to share the password with! So if you see ‘Protected Post’ messages appearing over the coming weeks and months that’s the reason why.
In time I may decide to open the posts to all but for now I hope you will bear with me that there are going to be protected posts appearing here and that initially I won’t be giving access to everyone.
Thank you again to everyone for all the lovely messages and virtual hugs. It helps so much. Many of you have shared how amazing I am, and how strong, and you are all probably right! For me at least it does help when you tell me how great I am doing, so please don’t stop telling me these things. However at the same time I hope you can understand that sometimes your compliments are tough to receive. You see I don’t want to be amazing, I don’t want to be strong, I don’t want to be doing great – I just want my husband back.